Hello! My name is Steph, and I have a 2-year-old daughter called Eliza.

Before having Eliza, people would offer us friendly advice or rather warnings about parenthood to prepare us for what lay ahead. We would mostly hear people tell us to make the most of what sleep we could get as we wouldn't get much when the baby came along. We heard these comments a lot - to the point where we accepted we would probably never sleep again! 😊

Well, I can tell you some good news - we do sleep…not as much as we used to, and definitely not enough, but one day we will get there (like 18 years from now?)

Some other comments were, "Having a baby is tough but so worth it". I've heard others say it's like a rollercoaster of highs and lows which I can now completely relate to. Insert here for audio: “Motherhood is a rollercoaster. Sometimes it feels like the rollercoaster is moving at a manageable pace, and you can enjoy it; it's pretty good fun. Then there are days when the rollercoaster has picked up the pace at a rate you can't keep up with, your safety harness has broken, and you're now hanging on for dear life, hoping you can hold on until it comes to a stop.” Yeah, that's more accurate. And every phase comes with these highs and lows.

There are weeks when the highs outweigh the lows. Days where you laugh hysterically at something your child has said for the first time and wonder where on earth they got it from. Or days when your heart could literally burst seeing the sheer joy on their wee face when they visit the ducks or go on the swing at the park. Then there can be weeks when it's really tough, and I find I'm comparing myself to others who "seem" to have it together. Guess what - they don't either.

Before I had Eliza, someone told me it's important to get friends you can be real with when the times get tough. This has been some of the best advice since becoming a mum. Parenthood sucks sometimes - that's a fact. It's not fun thinking it's curry sauce spilt on your t-shirt and then discovering it's poop. It's not fun when it feels like nothing you are doing is settling your crying baby. It's not fun when nothing you own fits you anymore, and you don't know what clothes would fit you now that your body is not what it used to be. It's not fun when you're crying in public because you feel like you're not enjoying being mum as much as you thought you would, even though you have longed for this child. I get that.

Being a mum changes everything, and change is hard.

What I didn't realise would hit so hard is how much you lose of yourself. Having a baby takes so much because they need so much. This can impact our relationships with friends, family and especially our partner. But I've learned that we are all doing the best we can with what we have, and taking it a day at a time is all we can do sometimes.  

Finding support from other mums and parents, whom I can be completely honest with without judgment, has gotten me through. Getting a five minute voice note from a friend has often been the pep talk I needed. Some days just getting 20 minutes outside helped me reset. Some days a relatable reel on Instagram helped me feel "normal".

Sometimes setting big goals for better health and trying to keep fit can make us feel worse when we don't reach them. I read somewhere that even just getting out for a walk and not seeing it as exercise can help our mental health and help us to feel better more than thinking you've not walked far enough, or fast enough, or thinking about how many calories you've burned. Do what fits right for you and what you need when the days are tough. 

Some days I don't feel like a great mum, but I know I'm who my daughter needs, and that's good enough.