I’ve never been a person to consider my mind or its wellbeing that much… until I became a dad.

In 2019, my wife and I found out we were expecting a baby. It was a massive shock. And although we very quickly turned to be excited, there were a lot of other emotions, feelings, and concerns that grew in my mind. From the pregnancy began, the lack of sleep started as I began to consider endless lists of things that I needed to sort and fix around the house before the baby came. Furniture that needed to be built, money that needed saving, the looming responsibility of providing for an expanding family, and worry over my wife’s wellbeing weighed heavy on me.

Once my son arrived, and although I experienced so much joy of him being here safe and sound, the exhaustion from sleepless nights was consuming. That along with the realisation that our lives had changed forever. I found this quite overwhelming, to begin with. The birth had not been easy - seeing my wife in that much pain and feeling helpless towards supporting her in that, to now having a baby that I felt very protective over but had no experience in how to look after.

The darkness grew. I always thought it was silly to admit this, but I am a person who loves summer and daylight and would find worry more consuming in the dark winter months. My son was born in winter. And it seemed like he never slept so I was awake in more dark hours. I would have to say that the physical darkness did add to the darkness of my mind as there was less time in daylight to process things. And less time in daylight to reason that we were going to be ok and that I was doing a good job as a father and a husband. 

In those early new-born days, there was little to zero routine in our lives. I started to neglect my physical well-being and before I knew it the ‘Dad Bod’ had arrived and my confidence was dipping. This is what motivated me to start running. At the time I don’t think I had considered that this would become a vital tool to drive the darkness out of my mind, as I had only intended it to drive the pudge out of my belly. But immediately I took hold of this new hobby as a very positive activity in my life.

It might sound a bit weird but getting outside, whether it was in the day or the evening, and getting light from either the sun or the stars – that light transferred into my mind. Breathing in the fresh air, and being surrounded by nature, emptied my mind of worry as I focused on running. Driving myself forward, setting new fitness goals and personal best times – it all felt so empowering. I was able to be more present and have more fun with my family as I was getting that time for myself, and therefore had more energy to do that.

My family bring me so much light. When I feel worry about money, or work creeping over me again like a shadow, I make sure that my weekends are spent with them. I make sure to prioritise time to play with my son because hearing him laugh, and watching him grow, learn and experience things in the world for the first time puts things into perspective for me. So although I struggled in the new-born days, becoming a dad has become a light in my life that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

When my daughter came along last year, I already had the tool in place from my experience with my son to know how to cope better this time. And I began to run sooner (with the permission of my wife lol) and was able to encourage her to do the same which she is now really enjoying. I just completed my first full marathon there in Belfast, with a time of 3 hours 23 minutes that I never thought possible. I am just about to embark on the Mourne marathon and have the Ultra 40 mile marathon in September. And whilst these are all bucket list fitness goals that give me such a sense of achievement, they have been to raise money for a charity that has helped close friends of ours navigate a very dark time in their lives. Being able to use my hobby as a way of giving and helping others has also created a lot of light in my life.

I would highly recommend to any man that is feeling the darkness of worry or the heaviness of responsibility in their mind to find an activity that gets them outside into the light and nature. Whether that’s running, hiking, cycling, etc. Whether that’s something you’ve never tried before or something you used to enjoy. Give it a go!

- Nathan Catterson, 32, Belfast.